The nurse gave me a small bottle and asked me to collect my urine in it. Now I don’t know about you, but I always find it a little uncomfortable pissing into a tiny bottle. I am so used to pissing into a much bigger container, like a toilet bowl for instance.
I remembered the first time I did this many years ago. I was completely new to collecting my own urine then, so when the nurse gave me the bottle without any instructions, I asked her “Er, what is this for?”
“For the urine test.” she said, not looking at me.
“Er…urine? My…my urine?” I stuttered.
She looked at me and said, “No, MY urine. Of course it’s your urine! And I can’t do it for you.”
Smiling sheepishly, I took the bottle.
I was about to head for the washroom, but stopped myself short.
“Er...how much should I collect?” I asked her.
“Half the bottle will do.”
Then as if I did not understand her, she spoke in a firmer tone.
“NOT full, please.”
The trouble started when I was in the washroom. Carefully aiming into the bottle, I let go. But guess what? I must have drank a lot of water before that because I could not stop. Oh no! The bottle was filling up. I got to stop!
It was with some effort that I managed to do it.
Phew! That’s a relief!
But wait! How come I felt a little wet on my hands?
Oops! I must have accidentally spilled some on my hands. Then I realized the outer side of the bottle was wet too.
What a mess! So I quickly capped the bottle and washed my hands and the outer side of the bottle. I didn’t think my mom would be too proud of me that day if she knew how I messed up!
And then I noticed something. The bottle was more than three quarters full. I remembered the nurse said I only need to fill half the bottle.
So I uncapped the bottle and poured out the excess urine. But guess what? In my haste, I poured out a little too much! Now the bottle was less than half filled!
I was like, what the f.....!
Well, what was I to do but to make a second attempt at filling the bottle? I did it expertly the second time, with no spilling and right on the half way mark. Me pretty fast learner, no?
Somehow I don’t think I am the only person who is this clumsy. Just looking at how the nurses pick up those bottles of urine will tell you a lot!
Of course I learnt from my mistakes and have never messed up ever since.
Another problem I have to face every time I go for medical check-up is the blood test. I think it’s more a problem for the doctor than it is for me. Somehow, doctors have a hard time trying to find the vein in my arms where they could extract blood from.
I don’t think I am really fearful at the sight of blood, but when someone tries to extract blood from me, I do get all tensed up and even start feeling dizzy.
It's not a very nice feeling when the doctor takes a long time to locate my veins. It’s even worse when the doctor jabs you and discovers he had poked at the wrong place and then tells you he had to try again! At one time, I actually felt like I was going to black out!
So now, I am much wiser. Each time the doctor want to extract my blood, I will lie down first. By lying down, I feel more relaxed and even if I go dizzy, it’s not too much of a problem.
Well, do you have this problem like I do? I hope you will say yes because I think I am the only one in the world with this weird problem.
Anyway, one thing is for sure, I can never be a doctor or even a nurse for that matter!
Hahha...nice account of the urine bottle. Btw, more challenging for the ladies ;) Strangely I have never bothered to ask how much they need...I don't think they even need half a bottle for the test..I don't know. But I only give what I got to give isn't?
As for blood test..I never had any problems coz the vein's clearly visible and they always take from the same place..and thankfully, no fumbling nurses with needles!
I have been wanting to have a health check-up, but the momentum is large (-_-")
LOL!!!!
If you guys think that the urine test was hard, its even worse for us gals, ok!
my bug life, haha! Actually after that first time blunder, I learnt you don't really need to fill up half the bottle. They don't need that much urine to do the test.
I can imagine how challenging it is for you ladies to collect your own urine!
You are lucky to have veins that are clearly visible. Me not so lucky! : )
khengsiong, haha!
angie tan, yes I guess it's really challenging for you ladies! Come to think of it, it's not really that hard for us guys once we got the hang of it. Haha!
wow didn't know that a urine test can be so fun to read.. Anyways if u think it's difficult for guys to do it, it's worse for girls ok?!! I've got my own amateur experiences too.. Now after reading yours, I recollected some of the old memories of peeing into a bottle.
yalah MBL. More challenging for ladies to collect urine in that small bottle. I always give a little bit only. :D
I have the same problem when doing blood test. Remark like "your vein is so hard to find" is common for me. Lucky those people at Gleneagles know how to poke me because got 1 time at Tawakkal, I got poked few times!
I know how you feel about blood test, Foong. Not my fav thing in the world too even though I've been told I've got "nice veins". hah! As if that makes any difference to alleviating the fear. Wait. Maybe it does, eh? LOL! Amusing post.
Goodness! That's taking the piss! Hahahaha!
Urrghh..don't remind me. EVERY time I go for a urine test, I'd mess up the bottle. Women are not meant to pee into a tiny bottle!
*the other Foong who is a woman*
Dude, you over poured the urine... just fill with some water from the tap to make up ... hehehe :-p (just teasing)
I have the same feeling as you when i saw blood... i'll have goosebump, hard to breath and panic... hahaha :-p
I couldn't be a doctor...
LOL! That was funny...
Also, I'm having the same problem about blood tests too...
I freaking hate needles!
I don't have a problem with blood but the feeling of a long needle poking through.. *Eugh!* No way!
Currently, I'm trying to escape a medical check up. I just can't go through the process..
LOL! It has always been a problem to find veins in my arms :-D so I tend to avoid medical check-ups!!
eiling, glad you find this post fun to read! Maybe you should post some of your amateur experiences in your blog : )
lina, so your veins also hard to find, haha! Join the gang! That's one reason I don't like doing blood test. The doctor must be really good at this, cos an inexperienced one will jab you a few times before getting it right, by which time I would have already fainted. LOL!
happysurfer, you are lucky to have nice veins! It'll be easy for the doctor or nurse to take your blood so you definitely have less to fear : )
gallivanter, haha!
foong, I think I agree with you. Women are definitely not meant to pee into a tiny bottle. I really don't know how you ladies do it. It'll be such a mess! : )
tz, haha! If I fill it up with tap water, I really don't know how the test results will turn out! Oh so you are afraid at the sight of blood too! There's a term for it - I think it's called hematophobia or something like that. I think I'm not that afraid, but I just get all tensed up when the doctor try to extract blood from my veins : )
cashmere, oh so you are like me! Finally! I found someone with exactly the same problem. And I thought I'm the only one in the world to suffer from the fear of needles poking through the skin : )
But I've found a way to alleviate this fear. You just need to lie down and focus on something pleasant while completely ignore what the doctor is doing to you. Don't look at the doctor - just close your eyes or look in the other direction.
You can also try singing a song in your head or use that time to think of the tasks you need to do for that day. In fact think of anything that will keep your mind occupied so that you are not even aware that your blood is being extracted : )
monica, join the gang! I think you have fair skin, that's why cannot see your veins clearly. Haha!
ooooh ....blood tests??? yikes, i just hate needles with a vengeance. hehe
when it comes to urine tests, most women would end up messing the bottle. we don't have the 'real thing' to aim in the bottle. :D
life ramblings, join the gang! Haha! I realise now how difficult it is for you ladies to collect urine in a tiny bottle! We men really have it easy! : )
Your experience with the urine bottle sure was funny. I have the some prob with needles too.
One time, when I went for blood donation, instead of my vein the nurse poked my muscle. It turns blue & I had to massage my muscle gently to push the clotted blood out. Not a pleasant experience
Hey Foong, imagine trying to pee in a small bottle but you don't know where it's going to come out. LOL You guys have it easy.
bravo encore encore :) this could pssibly b the best post i read on yr blog this far..far from the usual i ate this and that. i laughed n laughed waiting for the punch line. it is 7.51am and it left me on a positive note to face the day :)
for the ladies, bring along a vacuum cleaner huh? hahahahahahahahaha
er.. now why am i reading about your "experience" of pissing into the small container? XD
Next time can tie rubber band to slow down the flow, ha ha!
hey, ref to yr comment on my Beyonce post, we got the same taste in music. I think Teresa Tneg is the all time best too. :)
I am sorry it was so much trouble with the urine but you had me laughing and laughing because we all have these things happen.
I hate, hate, hate my blood being taken!!
Got the voucher yesterday evening! Thanks again :D
I dun have the same problem in collecting urine. But I bet everyone is afraid of needle, unless you are a doctor or nurse, or a potential one.
Very interesting story ... hehehe ... I haven't been to a medical check up in years though.
I never liked blood tests....
Haha... that's so cute of you... can start and stop as you wish! Must learn from you. :)
Foong, you've been tagged! ;-)
LOL. i also have prob aiming into the bottle! but, how did u manage to reload urine so much? :P
/i enjoy looking at the process of my blood being withdrawn. it somehow gives me some thrill
Wah so garang eh the nurse? Less than half bottle oso can Foong, so u had to pee twice? LOL!! ;)
Happy Thursday to you, EC has been pretty unstable lately, but it's working fine today and I am here to drop away! :)
:D that is a funny post! well, reminds me it is time to have my annual check up too.. i hate it!
Foong,
This is such a good topic to talk about. I laugh when read the urine test part.
I used to worry about the urine color. Can you believe that? I always want the color would be as clear as possible. I think yellowish is yucky (like crystal clear is so clean for drinking water). So, what I usually do is to drink gallons of water before go for urine test.
About the blood test. You should play sport that use your hand a lot (I don't know if masturbate counts!) such as badminton and tennis. The doctor won't has a hard time to find the vein anymore :)
Instead of medical check up I also donate blood for several times :) Will donate more in the future.
acura, that's terrible! That's what I always fear with inexperienced nurses who poke you at the wrong place!
babette, yes I can imagine that. I agree we guys really have it easy : )
bengbeng, thanks! I didn't know I've written a funny post until I finished writing it! Glad it make your day! : )
levian, because you enjoy reading it? LOL!
pete, I think even rubber band cannot stop the flow. Haha!
bengbeng, looks like we both are fans of Teresa Teng! Haha! Actually I'm not a fan, but I honestly think no one can sing like her : )
health nut wannabee mom, glad you find it funny! : ) Oh, I hate having my blood taken too!
my bug life, you are welcome : )
jam, I think there are people who are not doctors or nurses who are not afraid of needles. But i'm definitely not one of them! Haha!
nick phillips, think it's time to go for your medical check-up! : )
day-dreamer, neither do I, but for the sake of health, I have to go through one every year! : )
neo, haha! It's a skill you must learn : )
monica, Ok will check it out! : )
xin, haha! I don't know, it just come when I want it to come! LOL!
OMG! You like looking at your blood being taken? You are sick!
: )
mariuca, Yes now I know don't need that much urine for the test. First time didn't know that's why had to pee twice and all the hassles! Thanks for dropping EC! : )
carrot, I don't like it either, but for the sake of health, gotta do it! : )
faisal admar, glad you find my post funny! : )
I think clear urine is good because it's true - yellow urine indicates not drinking enough water. But for the urine test, I don't bother whether my urine is clear or not! Haha!
I think you are right. I notice those people who play sports have veins that are clearly seen on their arms. But I do weightlifting - doesn't that count? I am pretty sure masturbation doesn't count! LOL!
Gosh, please don't ask me to donate blood! I'm already so tensed up doing the blood test, I really don't want more of such tortures! : )
Sorry your experience was sooo stressful. Too funny. :-)
Haha! Why "shi shi" all over your hands? Hmm...I don't think I have a problem because every year since I am baby I'm used to urine test and blood test. So still ok kua! =) Anyway nice sharing.But why no the photo of the your urine bottle filled with your urine sample? haha =)
jacqueline, haha! Glad you find it funny! : )
tekkaus, because I didn't know how to control my "shi shi" loh! Haha! Wow! You did blood and urine test since you were a baby? Must be a pro at these tests now! Haha! I did not take any photos of my urine sample because I didn't think about blogging about it initially. LOL!
Oh, so you are doing weightlifting? It is weird if your veins are still hidden beneath. You do it properly at the gym with instructor or just based on some health magazines? I used to spent a lot of time in the gym and the vein can be seen obviously.
Most people who work in the office and never do sport will have the same problem like this every time they need to get some blood sample.
About donating blood, what you need to do is just set up a right mindset. Let us put it this way, it is not about a needle that we are talking here but to those who need the blood badly. By the way, what is your blood type?
faisal, I initially had 30 sessions with my personal trainer, but now I do on my own. My blood type is B positive. Yours?
OH-MI-GOD! I cant stop LOL while reading this post! u're like kiddo for the urine test! hahaha! n is it mean u got thick layer of fats till d doc couldnt find ur vein?! HAHAHAHAHA!
I think every person ought to read it.
Erin homes