Let me teach you this psychological technique which I learnt from the book "Get Anyone To Do Anything" by David J Lieberman.
It allows you to actually look into a person's mind and find out if he's hiding anything. It's called 'similar scenario' technique.
What you need to do is to ask a question that does not accuse the person of anything but rather alludes to it. Then simply observe his response.
Let us take the case of a woman who suspects her husband of having an affair with his secretary. Instead of confronting her husband, she plays it cool and casually asks him over dinner "Gee, you know what, honey? My boss Jim, I think he may be having an affair with his secretary."
Then she just need to observe her husband's response.
If he asks questions and becomes interested, she can be reasonably sure he's not doing the same thing.
But if he becomes uncomfortable and looks away and tries to change the subject, then he's likely to be engaged in a similar behaviour. She will notice his immediate shift in demeanor and attitude.
Photo courtesy of weird cool photos
Now why is this technique so useful and why we should not confront a person directly? Typically, when we confront a person, it would put him on the defensive. If it turns out that we're wrong, there's a good chance we may appear paranoid or jealous and the relationship suffers.
With this technique, we are able to bring up a particular subject and find out if he's comfortable or concerned with the topic, all without making a single accusation!
By the way, this technique does not work for women only. If you are a man and you suspect your wife is having an affair with the gardener (just an idea I plucked from Desperate Housewives, haha!) you too can use this technique to find the truth.
A scene from Desperate Housewives
In fact, this technique can be used for more than just finding out if your partner is having an affair. It has a myriad of other uses and is especially useful if you are tired of being deceived or taken advantage of.
Let's take another example. You suspect a salesperson in your office is stealing the office supplies. If you confront her and say "Have you been stealing from the company?" that would achieve nothing.
Reason being if she didn't do it, she would say no. And if she's guilty, she would still say no.
The better way is to say "I'm wondering if you could help me with something. It had come to my attention that someone in the sales department has been taking home office supplies for personal use. Any idea on how we can put a stop to this?"
If she did not do it, she would be eager to offer her suggestions.
But if she is guilty, she will appear uncomfortable and may probably assure you that she would never do anything like that. Now there's no reason for her to bring herself into the picture, unless of course, she's guilty.
FIRST COMMENTER
LOL ok this may come in handy soon :P
Haha...do people need to read a book on how to check if their spouse is cheating on them?!
Hahahaha :D You read this book Foong? How come huh? So that you can counter it one day? :p
Look into a person's mind? Gosh...it is like min-reading aye? Ahh....I know this technique. :p
It is a great technique alright. Not only we can protect ourselves, but at the same time the chances of finding the culprit is way higher. :D
Perhaps I should get this book too Bro. :) Thanks for the sharing and good morning Foong.
Wow, this is like doing an indirect investigation!
Or even... a reverse psychology :P.
Good idea XD hahaa! But there is one thing~ Good liars are hard to catch! So how about that? :S
haha, this is interesting. though not everyone will fall for it, there is a good chance they will. have you tried it out? :p
foong, getting yourself equipped if anyone were to do that to u?? hehehe.. just joking.. thanks for sharing tips.. i no husband to suspect on.. nor i am no boss to ask anyone too.. so that book teaches one to be diplomatic in asking questions, i guess.. i bet some love to read that..
I should learn the counter techniques. Ha...Ha....
Thanks for the tips. Now I know what to do when I'm on the other end of those tricky questions. hehe ...
Ha ha, these theories in books don't work lah! Most cheating guys knows how to hide it very professionally nowadays! I have seen how some friends did it! Anyone want to know.....I can charge for giving lessons! ha ha ha!
hmmmm, there is some truth to it^^
The wonder of reading! You get to learn lots. Thanks for sharing, Foong.
You're not going to be popular with a lot of people buddy ... LOL!
But seriously, do you even need a book to find these things out?
hahahhah hello..i was in the midst of writing about cheating too..AHAHAHAHAHAH ok ok compare notes later.....btw is the book really that useful?
Grrrrrr me no likey la all these affairs!
GF, BF, hubby and wifey all should abstain from this, otherwise don get together in da first place! ;)
Seriously Foong, i loathe reading all these kind of books...
If a husband does not know the importance of a marriage,the committment, the vow we once made, then everyting else is meaningless.
foong...better don't teach the ladies too many tips, they are getting clever already..LOL
interesting.... you read a lot huh? that's good!
Good tips. But what is he/she is a good liar? :P
Alamak foong. dun la reveal all these... now how am i suppose to have affairs outside? my hubs will find out.. lol...
this is very good! I think it's a great way to find out things but sometimes can be misleading too if the person doesn't behave like the majority. thanks!
foongpc after a few post thought you have finished your China trip which I remembered more to go? Almost LOST too. Looking back oh yeah Yangshuo is still in the oven. Book no read, "Desperate Housewives", no watch. Thanks anyway.
this will be useful for future usages..thx for the tip..
nice tips..
i think i learned somthing new here.. haha.. yeah i dont think confrontation is good.. it only creates more and more troubles.. =)
thanks for sharing!
kenwooi.com
I guess there's no need for us women to read this book. There's this thing called woman's instinct. And almost always, the hunch turns out right.(Lol)
Thanks for sharing though!
xin, soon? You suspect your hubby of having an affair? : )
mei teng, actually no. But this technique is useful for a lot of other situations and not just limited to checking if your spouse is having an affair. The book covers lots more topics than this of course. I'm just focusing on this topic cos it's sort of interesting : )
tekkaus, haha yeah so that I can use this method to cheat on my partner without her knowing even if she knows this technique! Just kidding. LOL!
Yes, go get the book - it has many other useful topics and this is just one small topic! : )
ladyviral, well if your husband is a really good liar and already knows this technique, yeah, it'll be difficult to pin him! : )
levian, yeah, I think most people who are guilty will fall for it unless they are really good liars and are aware of their body language or if they already knew this technique and purposely acted opposite way. No, I've yet to try it out though. Why don't you try it out and let me know? : )
reanaclaire, maybe? Haha! But it's good to know some of these techniques - you never know when you might find them useful! : )
borneo falcon, haha you should, shouldn't you? : )
J2Kfm, yeah, now you know the technique you can actually work it to your advantage! Haha! Gosh! I'm so evil here : )
pete, who says don't work? Will still work except on professional cheaters like your friends. Wow! You have so many friends who cheat on their wives? Remind them about karma! : )
kelvin, yes there sure is a whole lot of truth to it : )
happysurfer, yeah, reading helps to build knowledge! : )
nick phillips, on the contrary! Women will love this technique and men will like it even more because now they know how to make their wives less suspicious of them! Haha!
Well, you don't really need a book on this topic alone, I wouldn't read the book just for this of course. There are many other topics of interest in the book. Do check it out! : )
manglish, you are writing about cheating too? Oh OK! Can compare notes, hehe. Yes, the book is really useful. Lots of techniques in there and it's not all about how to spot cheating husband/wife : )
mariuca, who like affairs? Of course all should abstain from it but what if people don't? That's where this technique comes in handy : )
eugene, you loathe these kind of books? Why? They are very interesting books! Btw, this book is not about how to spot a cheating spouse - that's just one of the many topics discussed in the book!
chrisau, haha, scared your wife finds out, is it? Well, don't worry now you know this technique you can use it to your advantage! Haha! ; )
*Look! You're making me really evil!
michi, well I try to read a lot! Haha!
che-cheh, if he/she is a really good liar, I guess this technique may not work, but I believe most people will fall for it : )
merryn, but your hubby does not read my blog right? So no worries - go ahead with your affairs! Hahaha! I think Ethan will find out about it first before your hubby! LOL!
eiling lim, yeah if the person is a really good liar and can keep a poker face and is an expert in controlling his body language, then this technique may not work, but it would work on majority of people : )
cheahs@n, will blog about my China trip soon. I just need to take a short break. Maybe also because too lazy....I mean busy to upload the photos : )
kitkat, you are welcome : )
kenwooi, yeah no need for any confrontation with this technique! : )
beng gee, haha yes woman's instinct. Then I guess it's useful for the men : )
nobody likes such affairs. it's hard to catch the person red-handed if he-she is an accomplished liar.
Errr.... I ain't got any affair with the secretary on the red office sofa yesterday.
Serious.
LOL! at Shingo's comment. He's trying to tell us something going by the book, Foong. Red office sofa somemore!!
Yeah lah, have you finished with your China trip?
Happy Thanksgiving!
yes I agree with you that we should not directly accuse a person...He may think that I don't have faith in him and I'm suspicious about him.
Thanks
TC
Aiyoh, that is not an easy task.
hehe now let me try this to my girl hehe....
if ever you proved that your husband/wife cheating on you, well most likelyit is also your fault...because you failed to reach your partner's satisfaction (just my opinion ) hehe
have great day foong
POSITIVE THINKER
FEED YOUR MIND
BLUE TECH
Hey are you a hubby or wifey? You make a good blog detective.
Great views foong! Happy weekend!
Goodnight from here!
she killed the car lol
i did try few times, but end up quarrel because the other half will admit it!
life ramblings, yes if the liar know the technique I mentioned here, it'll be very difficult to catch him/her! Haha
shingo T, haha!
happysurfer, LOL to the red office sofa! China trip still ongoing. Gosh! So many things to blog about and not enough time! : )
sourav, that's right! : )
molly, what is not an easy task? Lying or trying to uncover a lie? : )
bluedreamer27, wow! Really want to try on your girl? Better be prepared for any heartaches, haha!
But you also blame yourself if your girl is having an affair? Hmmm....
twilight zone, I am neither a hubby or a wifey! LOL!
ayie, thanks! Happy weekend to you too although this is like 2 weekends ago! Haha *late reply*
blog and seo tips, haha! She did : )
faisal, oh! that's bad! If she admits, then end of story : )
everybody's busy foong, it's ok =)
Thanks for your valuable tips. I totally agree with you.
Ok, Thanks for your suggestion.
ayie, thanks! : )
logo design, you are welcome : )
this post really very good and effective for me thanks for sharing this nice post.